Diversity of gender and sexuality in Manga and Anime

With this week's focus on the Diversity of Gender and Sexuality in Manga and Anime, We were asked to pick one from a list of two readings – I chose Nagata Kabi's My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. 

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness is an autobiographical manga, that uses more of an illustrated diary format, where Nagata details her struggle with her identity – sexual and personal – as well as her fight with depression and an eating disorder. Nagata begins the novel with a small prologue that illustrates her encounter with an older lesbian prostitute. She then goes on to rewind to the last ten years of her life, highlighting the events that led up to the encounter at the "love hotel."

Something I admire most about not only this manga, but the author, is the bravery and strength that comes from publishing one's own dark point in life. People struggle enough to put it into words, but to illustrate it as well? That in itself is awe-inspiring. I both adore and admire the rawness and vulnerability Nagata expressed in this manga. It was a pleasure to read, even during the most heartbreaking of parts.   

There are some parts I'd like to highlight that resonated with me. The first was when Nagata was discussing her reasoning for self-harm. As someone who has struggled with both self-harm as well as depression and anxiety, Nagata provided the words I could never correctly speak. Most of the time, self-harm isn't about wanting to die, veritably it's very rarely about that, and more about externalizing one's internal pain. It's very rare that when someone cuts themselves too much or deeply, that it was intentional. Usually, it's accidental, they get carried away with wanting to externalize this pain that they don't realize what they're doing until it's too late. It's heartbreaking. 

Something I found interesting was Nagata's reasoning behind her eating disorder. Nowadays, EDs stem from self-image issues and body dysmorphia due to the constant pressure of social media and "beauty expectations." To me, it seemed that Kabi's stemmed almost completely from her depression. She had just lost her appetite, then when she began overeating it was more of emotional eating. Although part of it was a punishing mechanism, for she didn't find herself worthy of somethings. In contrast, I can see where society did play a part in it, but I think it had less to do with beauty and more with one's purpose and the pressure of finding where you belong. 

In conclusion, I personally enjoyed and loved this manga so much. I loved how raw and uncensored she was, how Nagata opened up about her struggles, and ultimately brought to light the issues of mental health that are going on presently. For so many years, people who mental health have been ignored and dismissed because those without it could never truly fathom the depth and severity of pain that comes with being mentally ill. While it was heartbreaking, this read was definitely enlightening.